You’d Better Think
There’s a reason why the lyrics to the “queen of soul’s” (Aretha Franklin) song Think has been pulled up 52,516 times. Apparently, we still need to hear them. The Chris Brown/Rihanna beat down story couldn’t make the point more clear. By now I’m sure you’ve heard some version of the alleged fight between the hip hop couple. The media hasn’t stopped talking about it since the onset. They know our obsession with wealthy celebrities, and have been faithful to give us every sorted detail from the jealous rage that started the incident to the supposed reconciliation that is pending. This may seem like typical young love to some, but it smacks of potential abuse to me.
Older women have been warning their younger counterparts for years that if a man will hit you once, he’ll do it again. This is not something they made up. The advice is given for good reasons. According to Healthy Place (www.healthyplace.com) young women between the ages of 16 to 24 experience the highest rates of relationship violence, and both jealousy and punching are listed as controlling behavior, a symptom associated with abuse. Yet, over and over again, women not only forgive the men who abuse them, they return to them as well. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that the long-term effects will be devistating.
I want to believe that what happened between Chris Brown and Rihanna was an issolated act of immaturity which they have both learned from and wish them the best as they move forward. I would caution them, however, to consider the consequences for their safety and their futures if, in fact, there is even the slightest possibility that it might not be. Life changing events should be proceeded in with caution and, usually, take more than a week or two to decide.
March 7th, 2009 at 4:57 am
I was in an abusive relationship for nearly 13 years. It took nearly that long to recover from the effects of it, and sometimes I wonder if I ever will recover fully. I stayed because I already had one failed marriage behind me and I was ashamed to admit another, but leaving him was the best thing I’ve ever done, despite all the hypocracy coming from my”church” friends, telling me I was doomed if I did.
I wish these young people would listen and be aware of the warning signs.
March 7th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
As a woman who finally, after 6 years of forgiving and making excuses, left an abusive husband – all I can say is run Rihanna and don’t look back. Without some serious counseling he is almost guaranteed to abuse you again.
Thanks for this message Karen. Unfortunately, there are still too many women that need to hear it – before it’s too late.
March 7th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Karen,
What is even more disturbing about this story is they have reportedly reconciled. What message does that send to young women: “He didn’t really mean it because he loves me?” For young men: “I can get away with it.”
We as mothers have to be the examples for our children. Children immulate the behaviors they see and if a parent is setting a bad example, it’s almost unfair to blame the child.
March 7th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Oh, Karen, your words are wise indeed. It’s frightening to think of all the abuse that takes place behind closed doors. And I agree with the experts, if he hits you once, there’s about a 100% chance it will happen again.
I’ve been in a marriage that’s lasted more than thirty years and, yes, we’ve had our share of disagreements and, sometimes, big ones. I think every long term marriage has. If a man (or woman) is prone to being abusive, there’s plenty of opportunity to get out of control.
I worry for this young couple as so many people do. I think they both could use some help and pray that they get it.
March 7th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Pam
It’s funny you mentioned the “church” friends. They can be so sincere, yet so sincerely wrong. I remember how it was when I was going through my divorce, although not abuse related. I got a lot of bad advice from believers. I will never forget, however, the two pieces of advice that gave me the most clarity. The first came from a woman I had asked to pray for me. She said before she could pray she needed to know what I wanted to happen to see if we could agree. That was sobering to me because, without saying it, she was challenging me to seriously consider what I wanted God to do about my relationship, and she wanted to know if it would be something she felt good asking God to do. The other advice I got came from a minister who is married to a friend of mine. He basically said it was not God’s will for me to carry a strained relationship, nor would it be for me to leave my husband. In the end he said pick one and trust God to work it together for His good. I chose to work my marriage to the end. I finally left it exhausted, but with a clear conscious. That helped line me up for my next husband, whom 11 years later, I am still with.
March 7th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Melodiann
Isn’t it funny how blinding those rose colored glasses can be. When you’re in love it seems like everyone can see what’s wrong except you. When it first happened all I could think about was how can these two people throw their lives away? Neither of them will ever be the same. Quite honestly, I feel for both of them.
March 7th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
Beverly
There may be more to this story than we know. I thought I heard on Entertainment Tonight that she may be pregnant. How’s that for tangling the web?
March 7th, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Eileen
Amen. Relationships are hard enough with control. My dad used to say “think” to us kids whenever we did or said something obviously unwise. I catch myself saying that to my daughter now because if we took time to think before reacting, some of our mistakes simply wouldn’t happen.
March 8th, 2009 at 1:48 am
It is interesting to come upon this post as I’m watching “Huckabee” on FOX and he’s interviewing Denise Brown, Nicole Brown Simpson’s sister who is an advocate against domestic violence, discussing this very subject…talk about timing!
I am thankful that I don’t have an abusive husband, and we’re celebrating 30 years of marriage next month, so don’t have a personal understanding of this issue, but am also thankful for those who have come through, know how it is, and help others because of their experience…although obviously, I so wish you never had to go through such a thing!
Great topic, have enjoyed reading everyone’s sharing.
God bless,
Claudia
March 8th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
I have never been in an abusive relationship, thank you Lord! Thank you for sharing.